If I Were President...

This November 4th, Americans will likely witness an historic and national change.  In addition to embracing this change, I’d like to propose other movements the world of sports would likely benefit from.

Like Wyclef Jean sang, if I were president….. 

That commercial where Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez and Michael Phelps parade around a living room in boxer shorts and pink oxfords a la Tom Cruise in ‘Risky Business’ will be forever stricken from our televisions and our memory banks.

Similarly I’d remove all those F-R-E-E that spells free credit report commercials from television programming.  You either have good credit or you don’t and you should know that.  I don’t need a kitschy jingle to remind me that I have extensive credit card debt.

I’d ensure that analysts and pundits stop projecting whether LeBron James will play for either the Knicks, Nets, Clippers or any team other than the Cleveland Cavaliers when he becomes a free agent in 2010.  It’s two seasons away, fellas.  Give it a rest!

I’d encourage the Big Eleven…. er, Ten to add another, preferably decent, university, then split into two divisions and add a championship game to help legitimize the conference and level the playing field.  You too, Pac-Ten.

Speaking of… warring football conferences will finally set aside partisan politics and realize that all conferences have really good teams and really lousy teams.

I’d see that college football take measures to determine a true national champion… on the field.

I’d encourage Kobe Bryant fans to look at the NBA with a more objective eye and realize there are other elite players in the league, not just Kobe and everybody else.

I’d impeach Bud Selig.

I'd lengthen football's season and shorten baseball's.

I’d take steps to insist we would no longer be subjected to the sounds of Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, Chris Berman or John Madden.

I’d discourage Kevin Costner from making any more baseball movies.

I'd take great efforts to ensure professional boxing once again features a heavyweight champion we can believe in.

I'd see that Team USA Basketball regains its international dominance.  Oh wait, we already did.

And, as a man much wiser than me once said, we, as a nation, will finally learn to judge a man based on the content of his character.  I do believe we’re well on our way.

GO VOTE!