Separated At Birth; Clemson Fires bowden, Tuberville To Follow

You know how that old urban legend goes?

Out of the blue, a woman feels a sharp pain in her left forearm.  Three thousand miles away, a brother she never knew she had slices his arm in a wood-cutting accident.  They simultaneously sense a connection and ultimately share a tearful reunion after discovering there’s a sibling out there they never knew they had.

The same is true in the world of college football.  Tommy Bowden, head coach of the Clemson Tigers, was fired today.  Or he stepped down, depending on which story you believe.  That means Tommy Tuberville, head coach of the Auburn Tigers, can’t be very far behind.

What, you ask?  Tommy Tuberville is not Bowden-kin, despite the uncanny resemblance.  I say prove it.

Let’s lay down some facts.  Bobby Bowden’s son Terry, once coached at Auburn.  His current son does not.  At least I don’t think he does.  Is it possible that Bowdens and their dopplegangers are taking over the world of college football like Invasion of the Bobby Snatchers?

I hereby propose the theory that these two head coaches, Tommy T. and Tommy B., are one and the same person, or at a very minimum separated at birth.  You know, kind of like how we never saw Bruce Wayne and Batman in the same room at the same time.

I continued promoting that theory until last year when the two schools, Auburn and Clemson, met in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.  Fittingly, that game went into overtime.  Of course it did.  The same man coached both teams.  It's like playing chess against yourself.  The Tommies briefly shared a post-game hand shake, like two worlds converging.  I maintain they did it with mirrors.

Which brings us to the Bowden firing.  As Clemson had underachieved this season, Baby Bowden is now out as head coach.  Most prognosticators picked Clemson to win a weak Atlantic Coast Conference rather handily.  They’re currently in fifth place out of the six teams in their division.  Behind the two-headed running back tandem of James Davis and CJ Spiller, Clemson promised to light up the scoreboard like Billie Jean King in a Geico commercial.  Clemson ranks 56th in points scored per game.

They got manhandled by Alabama in their season opener and lost their last two conference games to opponents they should have beaten, Maryland and Wake Forest.  Eerily similar, Tommy Tuberville has lost his last two conference games to teams he should have beaten, Vanderbilt and Arkansas.  Auburn finishes their season against Alabama.  Welcome to the Bizarro world.

Both Clemson and Auburn have three losses.  Of course they do.  They’re coached by the same guy.  Hopefully, Bowden’s firing at Clemson will give him more time to focus on coaching Auburn.  Tuberville could put these rumors to rest by hiring Bowden to replace his recently fired offensive coordinator, Tony Franklin.  Of course, we know that could never happen as it would require too many special effects.  Will the real son of Bobby please stand up?

Tommy Bowden coached ten years at Clemson, going 43-32 in conference, never making it to a significant bowl game.  His dismissal was probably long overdue.  His brother from another mother, Tommy Tuberville, still has to play West Virginia (Bobby Bowden’s alma mater), Georgia and the aforementioned #2 ranked ‘Bama, all very likely losses.

At this point, I’m afraid I’m going to need to see a birth certificate.  Or perhaps sneak in to the Bowden household unannounced on Thanksgiving to confirm Tommy Tuberville’s not there asking for a second helping of cranberry.

Like Clemson, Auburn’s season has been a disappointment.  Only a strong finish might be enough to justify keeping Tuberville at the helm.  However, his fate has already been sealed.  Separated at birth, with Tommy B.’s firing, Tommy T.’s can not be far behind.